The Stalker Review

Title: The Stalker                                                                Author: Lotor Sincline

Original Source: Voltron                                              Character(s): Lotor & Allura

Rating: M                                                                               Genre(s): Humor

Chapter(s): 6                                                                        Status: Complete

Author’s Synopsis: Prince Lotor of Doom gets a taste of his own medicine when he is stalked by the terror of the Denubian Galaxy: Princess Allura from Arus. Not all stalkers have blue skin and pointy ears. Alternate Universe with this one…

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/6185271/1/The-Stalker

*Clutches side.* Oh my God! *Wheezes between laughs while trying to regain the ability to breathe properly.* That…*wheezes*…That’s…hilarious! *Takes several calming breaths.* Okay… Okay, I’m calm. *Wipes a tear away.* Oh God, that’s just too funny.

Welcome Readers, I am your—currently dying of laughter—reviewing host, the Fan Fic Reviewer, reviewing the good, the bad, and those that should never exist in fan fiction. Through a long and disjointed train of thought I wound up looking up Voltron fan fiction and my favorite will-never-be couple: Prince Lotor of Planet Doom and Princess Allura of Planet Arus. Thus how I ended up stumbling upon this lovely story.

The synopsis provided is essentially the story; in an Alternate Universe, Lotor tries to take over Arus by being cunning and challenging a champion of Arus (Voltron) but instead his plans are thrown into a blender and crushed by Princess Allura. This is a bit of a role reversal type story but not as in “now Lotor is the good guy and Allura and the Voltron boys are evil.” No. No. This is a reversal where Allura pursues Lotor. Oh yes! That’s right, Allura is the aggressor in this scenario and it humorous consequences!

The thing that makes this story so good is that everyone can relate to Lotor either because everyone has been in his position or known someone else to be in his position. What position is that, you ask. Being on the receiving end of a crazy person’s affections. Oh yeah… You know those stories about the crazy girl/boyfriend that calls or texts several times a day with nonsensical messages (“I love you,” “I miss you, hon,” or “why aren’t you calling me back?”), is sexy (physically) but also a nympho and a freak between the sheets (I believe Lotor describes her as a lioness and dominatrix), hacks into the other person’s computer and email, and says—or pretends to be—really stupid to manipulate the other person. Well, that’s Allura in this story and it’s hilarious!

Seriously, the lead up is great because she comes off as sexy and confident, the type of woman who is stunningly beautiful yet has a forwardness about her that lulls the guy into the sense “she’s one of the guys.” Then once she has the guy where she wants him, the restraints snap and suddenly she’s crazy woman spouting plans of marriage, sex, children, and the “couple’s” future together (not necessarily in that order). Oh yeah! It’s great reading that scene because while a part of my brain is telling me “something’s going to happen,” just reading it happen and Lotor’s reaction is priceless! From that point on the craziness just escalates.

Another thing about this story that makes it funny is Lotor and his reactions. See, in this story, Lotor becomes the everyday bachelor type of guy where he’s kind of set in his bachelor ways and is not really looking for anything serious, but he’s not going to say “no” to a good romp with a sexy woman like Allura. Having Lotor take on that role is perfect because it contrasts so well to Allura’s crazy “girlfriend” role and because it’s a relatable role. There are moments in the story where I just felt bad that Lotor got stuck in this tangle with crazy Allura. Especially with the messages and the “phone” conversation he has with Allura. Oh my God, I read that part and about died because I’ve heard friends have those kinds of conversations with their significant others (who I deem as “possessive” and “crazy”).

The verbal cherry to this story is the epilogue. I don’t know quite how Lotor survives without going crazy but he does and has developed some coping mechanisms to help live in this insanity. Oh! I love it! Especially when Lotor talks about his kids (the “hellish spawns”) and the “dirty old bastard,” his dad. It’s just all fitting because given the circumstances of the story there couldn’t be a “happy ending” for Lotor—otherwise, why would the Reader be so amused?

Now, I could point out the lack of involvement from other characters and such, but to be honest this story doesn’t need them since it’s about Lotor being on the receiving end of craziness. So given the circumstances of the story, the lack of other characters is okay. If they had more presence I think it would have just convoluted the story and taken away from the humor.

No, I don’t have anything of significance to point as being weak or a bad point in this story. It’s a well done story that is humorous because anyone can relate to it and because, as people, we love it when these situations happen to other people (even if they’re fictional). This is a well done comedy that is humorous without going way over the top—just going enough that the situation and characters are still funny and a bit zany. And, here’s the kicker, the story can be read by anyone! This story doesn’t require Readers to be fans of Voltron or know anything about the series; to a non-fan the story is simply a sci-fi story of guy meets girl and finds himself waist-deep in crazy. That is awesome!

So, while I doubt that I need to say it, I will. Would I recommend this story? Yes! Yes! Yes! This is a comedic story that can put a smile on anyone’s face and pull a laugh out of them. If this story doesn’t make Readers laugh then I’d say that the humor wave lengths aren’t matching. Also, this story is very Reader friendly to fans and non-fans alike! The characters—particularly Lotor—are relatable and the situation is just so…human that it would be hard to find someone who couldn’t sympathize with the Prince of Doom.

Readers, if you’re ever in need of a laugh (or just a smile) read The Stalker by Lotor Sincline. It’s worth the time.

Stars: 9 of 10

Just Liking Review

Title: Just Liking                                                                         By: aquember

Original Source: SyFy’s Alice/Alice, 2009                  Character(s): Hatter & Alice

Rating: K+                                                                                      Genre(s): Romance

Chapter(s): 1                                                                                 Status: Complete

Author Synopsis: Drabble. Hatter contemplates his feelings for Alice. Based on SyFy’s Alice.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5617366/1/Just-Liking/

This time around I decided to review a drabble based on the SyFy mini-series/movie, Alice. The drabble revolves around something Hatter says to Alice, “Trust me, I know a thing or two about liking people. And in time, after much chocolate and cream cake, ‘like’ turns into ‘what-was-his-name-again.’” The drabble focuses on Hatter’s experiences with women and how each time what started as “liking” eventually led to heartbreak and Hatter bouncing back with the help of chocolate and cream cake.

It’s a simple set up for this drabble but it works and I have to say that it turned out to be pretty good. Drabbles don’t need plot but they do need a focus and this one maintains its focus, concentrating on Hatter’s experiences in liking. I liked how there was not a specific instance of Hatter being burned but general experiences and each time he had been able to bounce back on his own (with the help of chocolate and cream cake), and how he acknowledges that his position as a Tea Shop owner kind of set him up for those experiences. It’s great to have the connection between what the people who have seen SyFy’s Alice know about Hatter and what the author creates to fuel the quote about “liking.” It makes the drabble grounded in the original material.

The other thing I like is the transition from Hatter’s past experiences in liking women to the experience of liking Alice. It’s a smooth transition and it does a nice job of comparing what Hatter knows to feel “liking” versus the “liking” he is experiencing towards Alice. I also like the fact that Hatter tries to put himself into a position of denial by assuring himself that what he’s feeling with Alice is the same as the past women while at the same time pointing out the differences. It rather fits Hatter and the situation; especially since Alice has a boyfriend and Hatter knows it.

There is one niggle in the story and it’s the last paragraph because it…I guess I’ll just quote it then explain.

“Love, on the other hand? That’s a completely unfamiliar situation. And it’s a situation he’s heading towards all too quickly.”

My problem with this paragraph is that it has Hatter already knowing that he’s falling in love with Alice and at this point in the mini-series/movie I don’t think Hatter would have labeled his feelings as “love” but definitely attraction heading towards something unfamiliar to him. I just think that jumping from “liking” to “love” in this drabble was too quick and rather unnecessary. Readers will know where Hatter’s feelings will eventually lead but as the drabble is supposed to be Hatter’s reflections I don’t think he would have been able to acknowledge that he was falling in love. Then again this is just my opinion.

Would I recommend this drabble? Sure. Readers, if you’re fans of SyFy’s Alice and loved Hatter, go ahead and check out Just Liking. Overall it’s a nice drabble and it’s a bit of fluff for the Hatter fans.

Stars: 7/10

I am Hawke Review

Title: I am Hawke                                                                  Author: Lonaargh

Original Source:Dragon Age II                                      Characters: Hawke (F) & Cullen

Rating: M                                                                                    Genres: Romance / Drama

Chapter(s): 8                                                                             Status: On-Going

Description: Marian Hawke is not just the Champion. She is so much more, she’s a sister, a daughter and a friend. And what exactly is Cullen to her? Rated M because of some sexual tensions and I want to be on the safe side. Nothing explicit though.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7817186/8/I-am-Hawke

Since the last Cullen story I read wasn’t so bad (see Smoke in the Distance) I decided to try another one. Which brought me to Lognaargh’s I am Hawke; it isa story that revolves around female, rogue Hawke and the attraction between her and the Knight-Captain, Cullen. The description given is more in-depth than the story actually goes, but I’ll touch base on that later.

Let’s talk about the story for a moment. The story opens with just before the point where Act 1 starts, it leads into the whole Hawke and Bethany going to Bartrand for the Deep Roads Expedition. It showcases a humor personality Hawke telling Athenril (the smuggler you can choose to join and work with for a year in the game) that enough is enough, the year is up and they (Bethany and Hawke) are done with the smugglers. It’s not a bad opening especially since it gives the Reader a chance to acclimate to the version of Hawke the story features and the chapter ties in the Deep Roads Expedition.

How? Well, during the chat with Athenril, Hawke pilfers a leaflet about the expedition then suggests to Bethany that they take part in the expedition. Then, like a bad movie cliché, just as Hawke is about say that taboo “m” word (mage, for those who haven’t played the game) Hawke runs into none other than the Knight-Captain, Cullen. Their first—unofficial—meeting.

Now, I’m not going to bother divulging every event and action that happens in the story. Read it, if you’re curious, but I described the beginning because I like how it starts, despite the cliché run-in with the to-be star-crossed romance partner. I liked how the story dives straight into this point in Hawke’s life that is not part of the game yet would fit into the game’s events. I also like the relationship between Bethany and Hawke and how it’s presented; rather than just telling me that they were close the dialogue conveys their close relationship.

It’s the first chapter but it’s a good start to get me to come back for a bit more.

*Leans forward in chair.* As promised I won’t describe everything about the story, but I’ll give props for the things about the story that I really enjoyed.

               1). The time skips. The chapters are not one event flowing into tomorrow’s adventures. There are periods of time that pass between events; sometimes it is days, weeks, or months. That’s awesome because even the game takes place over a 7 year span of time, and a story that reflects the passage of time is outstanding! There are moments in the story where despite the time skip there’s been some form of communication (or attempts at communication) between Cullen and Hawke, like summons that Cullen writes to Hawke and she chooses to ignore them for several weeks. It just helps to maintain a connection between events and characters.

               2). The interaction between the characters. There are some fan fics where the supporting characters, no matter how important they are in the original source, become background pieces or plot devices. Not to say that doesn’t happen at one point, *Cough* Isabella *Cough*, but this story doesn’t ignore the other characters or settle for them as backdrop.

There’s this moment where Hawke is heading out to the Wounded Coast (Enemies Among Us quest) and she agrees to let Bethany come with her, finds Fenris waiting outside her door, and meets up with Varric in the bazaar. Each character’s meeting flowed one right into the next and there isn’t a break in the conversation. Simply, as soon as someone joined s/he would join the conversation. To me this is great because it shows that the group has been together for some time and they have some rapport.

I expect such things when stories have events that are directly out of the original source.

3). The sexual tension situations between Cullen and Hawke. This one is a double-edged sword point because while I like the situations laterin the story, the initial start of the sexual tension (the first kiss) I have issues with. Anyways, the situations are on the one hand are cliché but daydream-worthy and on the other hand, absolutely entertaining.

One of these situations is essentially Hawke trying to prevent a horrible misunderstanding and Cullen having horrible timing. I’ll say this much, Cullen in a towel after a bath while Hawke tries to sneak out of his room with a pair of panties in her pocket. Read the chapter to find out how it all happened! The lead up is hilarious and I can well imagine Isabella thinking the set-up was a good way to “cheer Hawke up.” *Gives a thumb’s up.*

The downfalls of the story aren’t major but there are issues.

The first issue is format. *Groans…* I understand that not every word processor transfers to websites like FFN the same way but the thing about FFN is that it allows the author to go through and edit the format before posting (and even afterwards). So the fact that there are still formatting issues tells me that the story was just uploaded and posted, no further editing. I could be wrong; maybe the format of the story is how it’s supposed to look.

Now, when I’m talking about formatting for this story, I’m talking about the aesthetics that I, as the reader, see. I see this:

Marian’s smirk grew bigger when she saw the big pile of gold gleam in the soft light, not too bad for barely an hour work. Some merchants really should mind their pockets better.
“Thanks. You can go now.” Athenril waved Hawke away with a gesture of her hand, or at least tried to. Marian grabbed a chair and straddled it, her arms resting on the back.
“Now, now Athenril, is that any way to treat me? Invite me to take a seat, offer me a pint! We could become buddies before you know it! What are you doing the Hanged Man anyway? I thought you hated this place. Too common for the likes of you, I believe you told me.”
“The weather. Books and rain don’t mix. What do you want, Hawke?” Athenril sighed, glaring at the beaming woman in front of her.
“Or maybe not buddies. What I want? Oh, just the regular. A hot meal, a warm house to call my own and an inexhaustible stallion in my bed. Or, hey, let’s start with something simple. My freedom.” At the last remark Hawke’s expression grew serious.

It’s not horrendous. I’m counting my lucky stars that it’s not one giant block of text, but it bothers me that sometimes there’s a space between paragraphs then other times there isn’t, as shown above. It’s that inconsistency that bothers me. That and the fact that now my eyes see what is two or three paragraphs as one, so it starts to meld together.

My other issue with the story is the initiation of the sexual tension/romance between Cullen and Hawke. The entire scene is just off. Let me explain the context with as few words as possible; a distraught and slightly drunk Hawke ends up at the Gallows, words are exchanged (not necessarily friendly ones) with Cullen, awkward comfort, then a quick kiss before they both run away.

I know it’s not obvious to everyone where the problems are, so let me break it down. *Stands up and goes to a map of Kirkwall and points to the Gallows.*

               1). Hawke is at the Gallows—the so-called Circle of Magi where Templars and Mages are confined—while distraught and drunk. Why?! The only possible reason Hawke would have to be in the Gallows is because she’s there due to a mission/quest. Bethany’s out of the picture by this point (not in the Circle) so it’s not like Hawke’s there to give Cullen a piece of her mind for taking Bethany to the Circle. So why the hell is she there?! And it’s the Gallows which is located on a little island *circles the Gallows with a finger* that people have to take a ferry to get to so it’s not like there’s the excuse of “well, she happened to wonder there during a drunken stupor.”

So the setting for the exchange is problematic right away.

                2). There’s a moment when Cullen and Hawke are alone, while in the Gallows. *Blinks.* I’m sorry, but I imagine that unless Cullen pulled Hawke aside to a hidden area (which he doesn’t in the text), they’re probably not alone. The Gallows is a place where Mages are meant to be constantly watched by Templars so I find it unlikely (not impossible) that there are areas of the Gallows where no one’s around or that is hidden from prying eyes. If there had any mention of Cullen escorting Hawke to a more secluded area or something then I wouldn’t have such a problem with the scene, but it’s not mentioned so I imagine they’re out in the open.

                 3). The kiss. It comes out of nowhere! What the hell? There’s little build up to it and when it happens it’s pretty lackluster. The kiss blindsided me when it happened! *Crosses arms and taps chin with a finger.* I guess, as I’m considering it now, that’s not necessarily a bad thing because then I get to experience what Cullen feels by being taken off-guard by the kiss. *Shrugs.* Food for thought.

For me it was just a bit too sudden and even though a moment for it was kind of being created it still felt like it didn’t quite fit. I don’t know. Other Readers would probably enjoy the scene but to me it was just clumsy.

And *sits down* that’s it.

No really! Despite the length of my grievances there are only two things that bothered me (well, one thing had a few sub-points but that’s beside the point). Otherwise the story is actually pretty decent and it’s a fairly quick read too. Sure, it’s not done yet and it hasn’t been updated in months but what is available was worth a read-through.

Personally, I’ll probably keep an eye on this story for updates and as updates are made I may come back and re-examine my review to accommodate future chapters.

So, if it sounds interesting enough to you, give it a read.

Stars: 6.8/10

Moment of Truth Review

Title: The Moment of Truth                                                        Author: The Black Rose

Original Source: Mobile Suit: Gundam Wing                 Character(s): Heero Yuy & Relena Darlian

Rating:  T                                                                                              Genre(s): Romance & Drama

Chapter(s): 2                                                                                      Status: Complete

Author’s Synopsis: HY&RP. Heero proposes to Relena, but there’s a big obstacle in his path. ‘Did you expect me to wait for a man who told me not to.’

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/384423/1/Moment-of-Truth

*Weeps.* Welcome Readers, I am your reviewing host, the Fan Fic Reviewer. I’m here to read the good, the bad, and those that should never exist within the fan fiction world. Don’t mind the tears; they’re from disappointment. A huge amount of disappointment.

So, after reviewing one of the first fan fics that I had ever read (refer to my post Dangerous Games Review) I stayed away from other similar fan fics. Mainly because I was trying to avoid suffering the same disappointment that Dangerous Games provided. Eventually though, I reasoned that not all of the fan fics that I used to be fond of could disappointment. Thus, I got back “into the saddle”—as it were—and went back to find another Gundam Wing fan fic that I had adored. Alas, I met the same fate of disappointment.

*Takes a few calming breaths.* This story didn’t have to be a disappointment. In fact, if it had stopped as a one-shot it would have been a great story with a bitter-sweet ending, but it would have been the proper ending. But no–! For whatever reason, stories like this one believe that it “needs” to have a “happy” ending even if it’s the wrong ending, or it has the wrong lead up to such an ending.

*Takes another breath.* I guess I should start from the beginning, this story is about Heero finally proposing to Relena but he does it once it’s too late and Relena’s already engaged. That’s just chapter one, chapter two is about Relena breaking it off with her fiancée so she and Heero can give it another go at their relationship. Note! She (unknowingly) has Heero as back-up and support for this break-up. In actuality there are two different stories going on rather than one cohesive story. See, if the story had stuck with the first plot (Heero proposing too late), the story would have been great and the ending would be fitting although bitter. However, since the story decided to move to this second plot (Relena breaking off the engagement) it doesn’t transition very well and the story develops holes that get half filled with exposition.

The second chapter is just not as strong and I don’t believe Heero and Relena to be “in love.” Nope! Mostly because the issues that they say caused them to break up the first time aren’t resolved and there is no excuse given for why Heero took so long to act. Seriously, he’s gone for two years—count ‘em, TWO—because he couldn’t handle the lifestyle of dating a politician, so he sought greener pastures. Then he comes back to propose because “he’s miserable without her.” Fuck no! I’m sorry but during those two—TWO DAMN IT!—years Relena began dating again and it would have been in the news since in the Gundam Wing universe she has almost celebrity status, yet Heero waits until she’s engaged to pull this bullshit?! Screw that! Yet, ultimately, as Readers discover in chapter two, him coming back was okay and Relena decided to take him back even though the chances are extremely high that they’ll just repeat history again and break up.

This is why I would have preferred stopping the story at the first chapter. It’s got great drama, fantastic emotion, moving dialogue, forward progression, and a solid ending. Great things come out of chapter one, but chapter two decided to nose-dive into manure. Chapter two has too much exposition trying to explain what took place between to the two chapters so the Readers can understand why Relena is breaking up with her fiancée. There isn’t the drama and conflicting emotions like in the first chapter. Instead it is more of the characters just trying to plow through the discomforting situation so they can move on to “happily ever after.” It’s just boring!

Alright, I’ve already touched on this point—quite loudly—but I want to be thorough so I’ll go through it a bit more calmly. The romance is quite weak in this story, at least the second chapter. The first chapter the emotions are raw and as the Reader I can feel the kind of romance that Heero and Relena had before Heero decided to look for happiness elsewhere. It’s the kind of romance that tucks at the heartstrings yet is doomed to fail because neither side is willing to work through things or compromise. Thus why the ending of chapter one is fitting.

Chapter two, on the other hand, decided to fall for the trap. Heero and Relena decide to give it another go even though they know that the previous relationship ended horribly and neither side has made any effort to try and change or make compromises (even talk about changes they can make). So, that romance is weak sauce in my opinion. The romance that really gets under my skin though is the one between Relena and her fiancée. Just how Relena so easily gives up on the relationship and tries to explain herself to her (rightfully) angered fiancée who makes the compromises Heero didn’t, who waits patiently for Relena so she has time to emotionally heal (after she broke up with Heero), and who tries so hard to show her that going back to Heero is a bad idea. I’m sorry but if Relena felt any romantic feelings for this fiancée of hers then I don’t think it would have been so easy for her to let him go, even if it meant being with Heero.

*Pauses.* Moving on. Talking about the “romance” of this story is pissing me off.

The last complaint I have is the ultimate ending, chapter two’s ending. It’s too happily ever after and it’s BS how everything just works out between Heero, Relena, and the fiancée. In fact, the ending reminded me of an episode from season two of “The Walking Dead” when Lori tells Rick that she had a relationship with Shane when she thought Rick was dead. Rick’s reaction to Lori’s confession is essentially the fiancée’s ultimate reaction to Relena leaving him for Heero. WTF?

Is there any redemption to this story? The first chapter is the best and if the second chapter got cut the story would be awesome. The only other way I can think to make this story into a good one is to make it longer and create it into a story where Heero tries to earn back Relena’s love by showing her that he’s willing to make sacrifices and changes to be with her. From there it can grow into the compromises Relena would need to make in order for a relationship to work. Plus, then the story could generate a love triangle where Relena becomes truly conflicted between the two men and she must decide what she really wants and what she’s willing to risk. That already sounds like a better story. Alas…

So, would I recommend this story? Chapter one, yes!!! Chapter one I highly recommend because it’s an awesome display of raw emotions and it’s fantastic how much information is given about their past relationship through the dialogue! Chapter one is a great read. I recommend chapter two only for Readers who need to have a happy ending, otherwise, don’t bother. It just isn’t worth the read through.

Stars: 5 of 10

Moans and Ghouls Review

Title: Moans and Ghouls                                       Author: Galactic_Ink

Original Source: Scooby Doo                                Characters: Fred Jones & Shaggy Rogers

Rated: M                                                              Genre(s): Romance/Humor

Chapter(s): 1                                                        Status: Complete

Synopsis: Freddie has a little problem arise when Shaggy comes to him for protection from a headless ghoul! Will Shaggy find out or will Fred hide it? Read and Find out! *SMUT*YAOI*

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/9933060/1/Moans-and-Ghouls

**Updated link to an active version of the story – 5/15/17.**

 

Welcome Readers to another installment of my month-long theme, “Odd Couples,” where I am reviewing fan fics that feature the not-so-common couple combinations. I am your reviewing host, the Fan Fic Reviewer, I read the good, the bad, and those that should never exist in fan fiction. This time I found a yaoi (slash, homosexual, mxm) Scooby-Doo story to review.

Growing up I loved Scooby-Doo, it was hilarious and I loved the goofy mysteries. My favorite characters were Shaggy and Scooby, then as I got older I began favoring Velma, but it had never struck me that there would be fan fiction about these characters until I stumbled upon the category on ffn. Then I found out how…creative other fans were with this beloved series. Thus how I found this story, by stumbling upon it.

This is truly a smut fic, nothing more and nothing less. I know that the synopsis says as much but I figured I’d vouche for it. The gang is in the middle of a mystery and Shaggy and Fred end up alone with little Freddie ready to play.

Overall, the story’s not bad. The writing is good, the characters are in character, and there’s smut. Not much to go off, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t find a few things to talk about.

There’s a point in the story where Shaggy and Fred are getting hot and heavy and are ready to just take the plunge (no pun intended), but they stop because they realize that they don’t have condoms or lube. This part was hilarious to me! Hear me out.

I applaud safe sex practices in fan fiction! It is something that tends to be missing in a lot of other stories when it would and should be a consideration. This excludes historical settings where condoms and STDs were not a concern, fantasy worlds that resemble the medieval times, and sci-fi stories—although I applaud the sci-fi stories where they explain some sort of invention that has made such concerns inconsequential.   I rarely see safe sex in stories, so when it occurs I give props to the author. What makes it funny to me is because Scooby-Doo is set in the 60s/70s (unless you watch the newer, modernized series) when STDs were far less of a concern. I highly doubt that Shaggy (being the notable stoner he is) would have had the presence of mind to even think about condoms. The lube I totally get and can see that as a concern, not the condoms so much given the characters and the time period of the series.

Granted, if the story is actually meant to be taking place in the newer series then I stand corrected and the concern about condoms is more realistic.

Another detail I’ll pick on just because I see it in other stories and it annoys me, is the—how do I phrase this—word progression. What I mean is that in this story and others I have read it doesn’t take much (if anything) for character (like Shaggy) to go from referring to another character (like Fred) as a “friend,” “pal,” “comrade,” or by name to calling him/her “lover,” “boy/girlfriend,” and the like. In this story all it took was Fred to get a hard-on and Shaggy to kiss him for Fred to be suddenly referred to—by Shaggy—as his “boyfriend” and “lover.” Maybe I missed something but my understanding (as limited as it is) is that just because someone likes you (or gets an erection because of you) doesn’t suddenly make them your significant other.

I would have totally bought it if there was an establishment of past sexual incidents—even experimental—but there is nothing to indicate it. In fact, it seems like this story is the first time any sexual desires between the two guys is being brought to light.   *Shrugs.* This is a personal gripe I have because I see it in other stories and I worry about the characters that suddenly flip the switch and start calling another character “lover” just because of a single date or a one-night stand. I start expecting that character to morph into crazy boy/girlfriend.

As I said, it’s a personal gripe, and I’m one of those people who would prefer a foundation or establishment of a relationship (even if it’s friends with benefits or sex buddies) before attaching the words “boy/girlfriend” or “lover” to characters. In the case of this particular story, if Shaggy hadn’t been referring to Fred as “boyfriend” or “new lover” then I wouldn’t see anything wrong with it. It would have been two guys having sex. Plus, as it’s a smut fic, I wouldn’t have felt a need to know if Fred and Shaggy became a couple afterwards or if they just left it as a one-time thing.

The last thing about the story I will talk about is the sex scene—it’s smut so it has a sex scene. It’s an okay sex scene but I’ve read better and rauncher ones. How can I describe this? *Ponders.* It’s the basics of a sex scene with enough detail to guide the Reader through the steps Fred and Shaggy take to climax, but it not really something that immerses the Reader. It’s certainly not hot enough to arouse the Reader—in my opinion. It’s just something that is there and fills the space. It’s not bad but it’s not awesome either; just middle of the road.

Finally, the moment of truth, would I recommend this story? If you love yaoi and always wanted to find a Fred x Shaggy story, go ahead. There’s nothing inherently wrong with the story. I just found a few things within it that niggled at me but I don’t see them as being issues for other Readers. So Readers, if you like yaoi, Scooby-Doo, and smut then give Moans and Ghouls a read. It’s not a complete waste of time.

Stars: 5/10