Title: I think I’m Sorry Author: Fang-delight
Original Source: Seven Brides for Seven Brothers Character(s): Pontipee Brothers & Girls
Rating: K+ Genre(s): Romance / Family
Chapter(s): 1 Status: Complete
Author’s Synopsis: We all know each brother got their girls in the end. But the story never tells how they finally solved they’re differences and decided to finally be together! (each pairing)
*Takes a breath.*
Hi Readers, I am your reviewing host, the Fan Fic Reviewer; reviewing the good, the bad, and those that should never exist in fan fiction. *Sighes.* Maybe I should give up on trying to find good musical / play fan fics. I just can’t seem to find much. Well, admittedly this one was light years better than that POS I read for… *Thinks.* I forgot what I read! *Refers to past blog posts.* Oh right, the Mary Poppins fan fic, The Chimney Sweep. Yeah, this story is far better than that one, which I will once again erase from my mind.
So the story is ultimately how the brothers and their girls get together and it goes through 6 different stories of the girls apologizing to the boys and sharing a kiss with their boys. *Pauses.* This is yet another story where I like the idea; the idea alone is interesting and captures my attention! However, the execution is shaky at best. There are points in the story where the story tries to keep within the time period, and other times throws the time period out the window.
I need to get a few grievances out of the way first. These are nitpicking items but, man, I read them and it took me a bit to be able to move past them and make progress with the story. Note! All of these things are on the first 2 pages of the story. *Sighes.* Here we go!
1. How did Ben buy Dorcas “the prettiest dress he could find” when they’re closed off? That was part of the whole point, the family is closed off for the winter until the snow in the pass melts so the girls can’t escape or be rescued! So where did Ben buy this dress?
Also, how would he know her measurements? It’s not like department shopping. He can’t walk into a Target and search the women’s department for a size Large dress.
2. “Dan sometimes won’t eat til he was sure Martha did.” First off, grammatically incorrect.
Secondly, they ate separately! Milly kept them separate that would include for meals. There is no way that the kitchen would have fit everyone for meals! So I’m certain that Milly and one (or two) of the girls would bring food to the barn for the boys. I’m just saying, how can these boys know of things going on with the girls if they’re not there to witness these events?
3. “Ephraim would always walk at least by Liza whenever she went out for a walk.” That doesn’t make sense! Leave out the “at least” or say that he at least joined Liza on her walks and would sometimes walk at her side. To say that he would “walk at least by Liza” means that there are better ways for him to walk with her. Is in front of her better than by her side? Or is behind her better? I think walking beside her is the best option and certainly the options Ephraim would enjoy the most.
Could have included what Ephraim thinks would improve the walking arrangements if walking by Liza’s side is not enough.
*Takes a deep breath.*
Alright, I’m done. These are just a few items from the first few pages of the story that I had to nitpick. There were more items later in the story, but I just gave up because the number was getting too high.
I need to address the writing. If I was doing the CinemaSins (search it on Youtube) of Fan fiction then there would a sin for every sentence due to the number of times that the wrong version of a word is used or there’s a word missing (particularly articles). It’s so bad that some of the sentences do not make sense! Remember, “Ephraim would always walk at least by Liza whenever she went out for a walk.” That’s for the entire story! After a while, my brain did the mental translations for me so I could figure out what the sentence is supposed to say rather than what it does say.
Then there’s the methods for these “apologies” and kiss scenes. The methods are weak and typically the girls find their boys alone at some point—Frank actually sought his girl out—words are exchanged and there’s a kiss. Although, hardly any of the girls actually apologize to their boys so the whole purpose of getting the boys alone is null and void. Here’s an idea, use the scenes from the movie during the montage sequence when the winter thaws and the girls begin to interact with the boys. *Sighes.* Whatever…
Alright, enough with the negative comments. I need to give props to the story for trying to give the boys and girls individual personalities. It’s the only redeemable quality of this story. Well…that and there’s at least some thought put into making the exchanges more personalized but even so it kind of became cut and paste.
Moment of truth, would I recommend this story? It’s not really something that has to be read and about the only people I can think who would enjoy this story are ubber fans and Readers who can ignore the fact that some of the sentences do not make sense. Otherwise, I can’t say that I recommend this story. It’s 15 pages of unnecessary.
Well, that’s it for now. Man, I hope the next story I review is better than these last two stories. This is Idunwanaprofile wishing all Readers happy reading. Until next time.