A Breach of Etiquette Review

Title: A Breach of Etiquette                     Author:  Ponygirl7

Source: Secret of Moonacre                     Characters: Maria Merryweather & Robin De Noir

Rating:  K (G)                                          Genre: Romance

Chapter(s): 1                                           Status: Complete

Synopsis: Admit it; you wished Maria and Robin were established as a legitimate couple in the movie. We all do. Well, I have continued their little romance into the next day. I hope it meets with your standards of excellence. I apologize if it’s rather long compared to my others; if you’re only reading this for the romance, skip to the latter part. Please enjoy, and please review! Thanks!

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11726519/1/A-Breach-of-Etiquette

 

Welcome Readers, I’ll start with an apology.  I have not been posting my reviews for almost a month now.  I am sorry.  Things turned hectic at work and I just never got an opportunity to truly sit down, read a fan fic or two, and type up my review.  I am sorry and I will strive to do better in the future.

In the meantime, I’m happy to talk about this cute story I found for a little movie called Secret of Moonacre.  If anyone is not familiar with the movie, it’s about a cursed land – Moonacre – and the two dominate families that have brought upon this curse through their greed and pride.  To save Moonacre (and everyone living there) the destined Moon Princess must find the moon pearls and return them to the moon.  It’s a cute movie that is similar to Secret Garden and A Little Princess.  I happened upon it on Netflix.

To my delight there is a decent sized community of fans out there who have written fan fiction for the movie.  Thus I was able to find the piece for today.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I am your reviewing host, the Fan Fic Reviewer; here to review the good, the bad, and those that should never exist in fan fiction.  Let’s dive into A Breach of Etiquette.

The Author’s synopsis doesn’t provide any information about the story other than that it’s a Maria x Robin romance.  So, I’ll give my own synopsis.  Moonacre has been saved yet for some reason everyone is trying to keep Maria away from the Merryweather mansion.  What secret is everyone hiding?  Thankfully, Robin is willing to keep the Moon Princess distracted.

Cheesy synopsis but since there wasn’t one available for me to build off of I figured I’d write one that should be available.  Plus, that is the gist of the story.  There is a secret that everyone but Maria knows about and they are determined to keep her away from the mansion until the appropriate time.  So, Maria ends up spending the day in the forest with Robin.

I’ve already said this a few times but this is a cute story; it’s a bit of fan service in that it’s about a romance that never happens in the movie.  However, unlike the MirrorMask story, From Here to There, this story doesn’t toss out storytelling to get to the fan service.  Instead, this story cultivates a narrative that weaves in the romance and awards fans with the long awaited kiss.  It’s thoughtful and does a great job in keeping the characters in line with their movie counterparts.

The interactions between Robin and Maria are in line with the movie and are sweet.  There are moments that are meant to be subtly romantic like Robin catching Maria when she slips on the cliff, but there aren’t back-to-back heart fluttering moments.  Instead, it’s very much like two friends going off to play and bantering.  That’s not to say that the romance is out of nowhere, it’s woven in through looks and bits of dialogue that have deeper meaning – like when Robin asks Maria if she meant what she said to his father (that Robin is clever, handsome, and would make a good husband).  It’s those understated moments that really help to build the romance.

Maria doesn’t act like a love struck teenager towards Robin.  Rather she approaches him like a friend (or a friendly-rival) – much like near the end of the movie – and isn’t above teasing him about his “fans.”  She takes the views of the other women in stride and doesn’t turn irrationally jealous; instead, their comments just make Maria consider her own thoughts about Robin.  It’s a characterization that I can appreciate; a teenage girl who doesn’t burn with jealousy because another girl thinks her friend is attractive.  It’s something that I think gets overlooked by many fans; jealousy doesn’t need to be part of the equation to indicate attraction.

Robin’s feelings are more easily discernable but he’s not blatant with them.  He’s not stuck in the limbo of trying to discern his feelings – at least not completely; he knows what he feels but he hasn’t quite figured out how to express it.  While there are moments he experiences embarrassment (during lunch as his father and Maria talk about him) and possessiveness (writing his name in all the blank spots on Maria’s dance card), Robin doesn’t try to cage Maria.  This is an important part of the story to me because it is easy to write teenage boys as – unintentional – abusers.  It would have been easy to write Robin as someone who intimidates the other men away from Maria and as someone so insecure that he snaps at Maria for her teasing.  Instead, he doesn’t do any of those things.  He lets her dance with another boy and doesn’t fill up Maria’s dance card until she asks him how to get out of so much dancing.  He takes her teasing in stride and returns it with his own.

The characterizations of Maria and Robin make for great chemistry and makes the journey of the story enjoyable.  And the ending worth the wait.

I’ll wrap this up by saying that it’s a cute story that is worth checking out.  I also highly recommend watching Secret of Moonacre, it is a cute movie with whimsy elements more associated to A Little Princess and The Neverending Story.

 

Stars: 10/10

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From Here to There Review

Title:  From Here to There                                              Author:  SkyeRose

Source: MirrorMask                                                       Character(s): Helena & Valentine

Rating:  T                                                                      Genre(s):  Romance / Angst

Chapter(s): 1                                                                  Status: Complete

Author’s Synopsis: When Helena bumps into Valentine’s real world look-a-like, she realizes where she belongs…and who she belongs with.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/4082169/1/From-Here-to-There

 

Welcome Readers, I am your reviewing host, the Fan Fic Reviewer; here to review the good, the bad, and those that should never exist in fan fiction.  Once again I have delved into the one-shots as I decompress from The Air that I Breathe and it’s good to know that I can still find some pretty bad stories out there.  There are the stories that are bad in the sense of poorly written and then there are the ones that make me wonder why they were ever written.  This story lands in the latter category.

This is simply a Helena and Valentine get together and finally kiss story.   This is pure, unadulterated fan service but it’s servicing only the fans that want instant gratification.  Like, I’m a Helena x Valentine fan but given the direction of the movie and how it ended, I’m not sorry that they didn’t kiss or have an “I love you” moment.  To me those things are unnecessary for the story and would have been out of character for Helena given her age and personality; she was not thrilled with her “evil” self snogging boys in her bedroom.  As such, I would rather have my Helena x Valentine romances occur a bit more naturally; give them some time to nurture a romance and have the story begin a year or two after the movie when Helena might have an interest in snogging boys.

This one-shot tries to provide a foundation – a motive – for the events but in the end it was useless.  For instance, the story unnecessarily switches to the perspective of Valentine’s real world counterpart (Max) to get his view on Helena’s behavior.  I say this is unnecessary because Max never shows back up in the story and his perspective provides zero insight – I think Readers can figure out that Helena’s behavior towards him seems odd without his perspective.  It’s parts like this that make me wonder why it is in the story.

Valentine in this story is not the Valentine from the movie.  Where is the juggler who was trying to make it big and was too stubborn to say he was “sorry”?  He’s not in this story.  In fact, the Valentine in this story is so unlike the one from the movie that I can’t say that this story is based on the movie.  No, the Valentine in this story is one pulled from another person’s fantasy and has no relation to the one in the movie.  I understand that as fans we like to romanticize certain characters, make them outwardly care more than they did in the original and make them easily accept and return romantic sentiments, but it shouldn’t be at the cost of the character’s core personality.

Then there’s Helena who…I don’t even know how this version of Helena came to be.  She seems less attached to world of the circus and her family.  Not to the point where she abandons her family for the Mirror Realm but her ties to them feel weaker.  She chooses to hide in her room and sob rather than seek comfort from her mum.  Her parents do not come to check up on her which is strange given how in the movie her mother would actively seek out Helena when something was wrong and push to know what was going on while the father would swoop in to play peacekeeper.

Plus, Helena – as shown in the movie – has a hard time verbally expressing her feelings; she is able to express her anger and frustration but not the cause behind it.  Yet, in this story, she somehow figures out that the ache in her chest is from her love for Valentine.  This is yet another romanticized version of a character and it hurts the character and story.  This story would have been more compelling if Helena actually had to take time to sort out her feelings rather than just knowing.

I wish I could say something positive about the story but in the end I feel like I just wasted 10 minutes of my life on this fan service fan fic that failed to service this fan.  If anyone wants to check it out, go for it, but I think there are far better stories out that fan service and worth the time to read.

Fuck this story for wasting my time.

 

Stars: 1/10

The Air that I Breathe Review

Title: The Air the I Breathe                                                    Author:  Chellerbelle

Source: X-Men Movies                                                          Character(s): Rogue & Gambit

Rating: M                                                                             Genre(s): Drama / Adventure

Chapter(s): 122                                                                    Status: Complete

Author’s Synopsis:  Rogue copes with near isolationism when her powers return. Gambit accepts truths about himself he has tried to ignore. In this sweeping, multi-lifetime spanning tale, Rogue and Gambit circle each other like two immortal celestial bodies, waxing and waning, but will they ever find a moment in time to come together, or are they destined to live forever, just out of arm’s reach?

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/9701429/1/The-Air-That-I-Breathe

 

Welcome Readers, it’s the end of the week and I’m ready to review this monstrosity of a story; 122 chapters!  It’s been a long time since I read something this long and for a moment I was contemplating giving up on the story – I’ll delve into the why later – but I didn’t so now I can honestly say that I’ve read this story and can review it.  Ladies and gentlemen, I am your reviewing host, the Fan Fic Reviewer; here to review the good, the bad, and those that should never exist in fan fiction.

This is a lengthy story and it has given me quite a bit to talk about but for sake of my sanity and to not bore everyone I’m going to limit what I talk about to my synopsis of the story and four main aspects of the story.  I’m going to be delving into the story’s connection to the Marvel-Fox movies (X1 – X3 and “Wolverine Origins”), the overwhelming amount of subplots, the characters, and the romance.  There are multitudes of other things I would love to touch on but I think keeping this review focused will be best for everyone; myself and you, the Readers.

This story chronicles the events and lives of Rogue and Gambit a few years after “X-Men: The Last Stand.”  Rogue regains her powers (as suggested at the end of the film with Magneto) only now they’ve been turned up exponentially; it’s no longer limited to skin-to-skin contact, now it’s being exposed within an X radius of Rogue and the abilities she drains are permanent.  This drastic increase in power and Rogue’s lack of control cause her to live a life of near isolation.  During her isolation she befriends Gambit and they strike up a relationship that lasts hundreds of years.

There’s a lot that happens in this story and I’ll touch on several of those points when I get to the subplots, but needless to say, Rogue and Gambit live very interesting lives in this story.  Each adventure weaves into the next part of the story and becomes more inventive as the technology changes and the expansion of humans from Earth to the outer reaches of space.  There is a lot of care that went into making this story and the events flow fluidly and connecting back to the movie foundation.

Speaking of the movies, this story holds to its source pretty well, particularly in the beginning with the cure and the events of the movies.  Even Gambit’s backstory is crafted using a mixture of Wolverine Origins, the comics, and original adaptation; the flaws from Origins are explained not as throw away excuses but as future subplot developments.  For instance, the reason why Gambit’s eyes are normal in the movie is explained as a byproduct of mutation experimentation he went under by Mr. Sinister.  Things like are nice nods to the movies while making a feasible, geek foundation in the comic lore.

The story makes several call backs to the movies.  At one point it’s to the kind of love triangle from X2 between Bobby, Rogue, and Pyro when Rogue reunites with Pyro on Asteroid M.  The relationship does not move beyond platonic but it’s nice to have the story rebuild the relationship and make it far better than the one in the movies.  At another point it’s to Hank McCoy’s role as a mutant liaison for the for government which the story expands out to S.H.I.E.L.D.

Speaking of S.H.I.E.L.D., this story subtly mingles the Marvel-Fox world with the MCU.  Most of it is in the form of S.H.I.E.L.D.’s involvement, Rogue joining Stark Industries, and Gambit befriending Tony Stark as a stockholder.  However, other MCU characters are mentioned or make brief appearances such as Hawkeye, Black Widow, Hulk, Thor, Vision, Scarlett Witch, and Captain America.

Despite the roots being in the movies, the story does not limit itself to the world of the movies.  For instance, it ignores “Days of Future Past” entirely and implements events from the comics such as Asteroid M, Mutant Town, the Mutant Registry, the war/alliance between Skrull, Kree, Brood, Shi’ar, etc.  There is so much that happens that have no basis in the movies but show up in the comics and other media versions.

A lot of the events that I mentioned are among the many subplots – and there are many subplots.  The subplots are all events that take place during Rogue and Gambit’s lives, they don’t always directly affect Rogue and Gambit but they all create some impact and get wrapped up at various points in the story.  For instance, there’s an entire portion of the story (several chapters) where Rogue’s desperation takes over and makes her suicidal; she attempts various (some very creative) suicide attempts only discover she has absorbed some mutant’s powers that counter her attempts.  It’s very heartbreaking and powerful, but makes the resolution even more heartening.

There’s the subplot of how involved should Rogue be in global/galactic events since her powers are so strong and she’s accumulated so many mutant abilities.  It’s a very long subplot that carries from the middle of the story (Apocalypse part 1) to the very end.  There’s the continual debate over if Rogue should be on the front lines of military operations and wiping out the enemies entirely using her absorption powers versus her using the powers in defense.  Rogue chooses not to kill others and actively uses her powers only to send aggressive enemies back to their home or away from endangering others.

The subplot with Candra, the Thieves Guild, and the Exilir of Life is lengthy and comes up periodically throughout the story until the end draws near, then the story becomes hyper aware that the subplot needs to be wrapped up.  It’s an okay wrap up but in some ways I forgot some of the build up to it because so many other things were going on like Mojoverse, the Cult of Apocalypse, everything with Hope Summers and the M’kaan crystal…

There are a lot of subplots and for most of the story it’s fine because events (world events) happen and Gambit and Rogue would be expected to somehow get involved or be informed of those events.  However, much later into the story the number of subplots going on is almost too much and it becomes difficult to keep track – much less interested – in everything going on.  Like I honestly don’t remember much about what happened in Mojoverse because it was the least interesting among the subplots.  I also didn’t care for the Shi’ar empire’s royal line, who married whom, and Katherine’s capture then rescue.

I need to take a breather because just mentioning all the various subplots has tired me out.  Plus, I need the breather before moving on to the next exhausting topic, the characters.

Alright, I’m back from my breather.  Let’s talk about the characters, I’ll start off easy with Rogue and Gambit.  Rogue is…nothing like the Rogue from the movies.  I know that the movies don’t really allow viewers to get to know Rogue on the personal level of Wolverine but the Rogue in this story feels galaxies away from the Rogue in the movies.  By no means is this bad, the Rogue in this story is very engaging even though she seems to carry her own soapbox.  I like that she’s really smart (x2 masters’ degrees in Environmental Engineering and Aerospace Engineering) and she’s an engineer.  It gives Rogue more to rely on than her mutant powers.

Gambit is similar to movie counterpart although far more badass.  He’s an actual thief in this story and he’s quite the lady’s man.  This story takes its time in developing Gambit’s character and establishing who is at the beginning and the changes that occur over the course of the story.  I will say that the Gambit at the end of the story is not nearly as badass as the Gambit at the beginning, but I guess that’s to be expected once a man has settled down once with kids.

Now as for the other characters, there are too many!  There are characters from the MCU Avengers, Thieves Guild, Externals, X-Factor, Starjammers, Deadpool, etc.  The list is endless!

The good part about all these characters is that it truly fills out the world and helps to showcase that time passes not in months or years but decades.  So, most characters who get introduced are there shorter periods of time until age catches up to them or they retire to the background.  On the flip side, there are so many characters getting rotated in and out of the story that it becomes hard to keep each of their stories straight and how they connect with characters from other subplots.  It’s especially bad near the end of the story when there are so many characters that I started wondering if these characters were necessary.  Here are some examples of characters who I have to wonder why they were included in the story.

First one up, Dust.  She’s in the story for one scene where she is confronted by Apocalypse and his horsemen, and then never seen or heard from again.  I think she died.  Anyways, the scene does nothing for the story except showcase Apocalypse and his horsemen but they show up later, and the terror that the group causes was already hitting home without this scene.  It feels like a waste of a character.

Next up is Quentin Quire.  He’s in the story for a good chunk of the time that Rogue is the Warden on the moon prison where he is an inmate for years and gives Rogue a hard time.  The next time he appears is when humanity is preparing for its first attempt at space exploration.  He’s the communication link between the ship and the headquarters as he’s the only telepath that can use the ship’s cerebro system to communicate across the galaxy.  During this time, he and Rogue have telepathic sex a couple of times but no real relationship forms and he suddenly drops out of the picture entirely.  About the only role he truly played is giving Rogue class 5 telepathy.

Finally, there’s Rachel Summers.  The story jumps to her a few times but then she suddenly disappears from the story once she reaches the safety of Sanctuary.  She’s used to set up the conflict between Hope Summers and Rogue but due to her sudden appearance then absence I wonder if she was truly necessary.  She feels like a throw away character and someone I didn’t need to spend any time following for this story.

With the number of characters in this story I know there are more that I could name who I wondered if they really were needed for this story, but I need to move on to the last topic; the meat of the story, the romance.

Normally, I’d say “slow build” for romances like this where the characters start off as friends and through the progression of time become more than friends, but “slow” seems too light of a word for this romance.  This romance is like the human evolution type of slow; small changes and takes centuries to see results.  This is not a flaw; I appreciate that the slow build is over 100 years.  I just find it a bit funny that this is a literal slow build romance.

What hurts the romance is that it’s the main plot of the story and the climax for it (Rogue and Gambit finally get together) happens with 30 chapters left to go.  Normally, following the climax is another chapter or two of falling action to wrap up loose ends and subplots, but this story took 30 chapters of falling action to wrap up every single subplot and to create new ones (Rogue finally touching Gambit).  It over stays its welcome.

Near the end, if feels less like a story about Rogue and Gambit coming together and more about all the subplots that need to get resolved.  The last 30 chapters focus more on anything else going on and when it returns to Rogue and Gambit it’s to show more scenes of Netflix and chill (literal and euphemism) and dinners with Gambit’s family.  The scenes begin to feel like filler while the story pieces together the conclusions for the subplots.

Hell, even the ending has nothing to do with the romance but everything to do with not abusing power and Rogue saving (x) people by taking them to a new universe.  It just falls flat so hard that I really started to not care.  I no longer cared about the Rogue and Gambit romance because they were already together, what the hell did I care if they could touch or not?  I didn’t care about the Mojoverse subplot or what Mystique was doing.  I didn’t care about what Hope Summers was up to or the Cult of Apocalypse.  I just ceased caring because the climax had come about a bit too soon.  At least it did for me.

Readers, this has been an exhausting experience to read this story and then review it.  I’m not touching on all the great things in this story or all the things that bothered me because there is just sooooo much in this story.  So, instead of going into a rant I will simply say that if you are an X-Man fan (comics and movies) and you have the time to spare to read this story, go for it.  It is a lengthy story and I don’t regret reading it.  I have been taken on a roller coaster rise and this story entertained me, made me cry, made me angry, and made me smile.  It’s thought out and thorough; maybe just a bit too ambitious.  But at the end of the day, it’s worth checking out.

 

Stars: 7.5/10

Beast and the Harlot Review

Title:  Beast and the Harlot                                  Author: penpaninuSessh

Source: Beauty and the Beast                                Character(s): Belle & Beast/Prince Adam

Rating: M                                                            Genre(s): Romance / Angst

Chapter(s): 1                                                        Status: Complete

Author’s Synopsis: A different take on Beauty and the Beast inspired by the Disney film and the 1964 film.  Belle is a courtesan, working to pay her father’s hospital bills.  The Beast forms a tentative relationship with her; love and lust develop over time.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/7699511/1/Beast-and-the-Harlot

 

Welcome Readers, I know I keep teasing this 122-chapter story but I’m almost done with it – just another 20 chapters to go then I’ll be ready to review it.  In the meantime, I went looking for one shot stories and found this AU version of Beauty and the Beast.  It’s an…interesting take on the story that combines elements from various versions (Disney, original story, Broadway, and live action movie) and melds them together.  For a full list of what parts were taken from each, look at the very end of the story in the Author’s Note for details.  Without further ado, let’s get this review underway!

Ladies and Gentlemen, I am your reviewing host, the Fan Fic Reviewer; here to review the good, the bad, and those that should never exist in fan fiction.

For this story, Belle is a harlot (although she acts more like a companion from “Firefly”) and she gets an unusual client – “Prince Adam” – who turns out to be a massive beast.  After initial reactions, Belle comes to find that the beast has not paid for tumble in the bed sheets but for Belle’s time to…talk.  It continues as such where every so often “Prince Adam” makes an appointment with Belle and they simply spend their time conversing.  There’s more to the story but I’m certain that Readers can figure out where the story eventually leads without me going through it all.

This story has several things going for it; the added characters, the reasoning for Belle’s profession, and the characterization of Belle.  However, there are a few things that brought the story down for me.  One of them is just a personal grievance and the other is a concern with the ending and romance.

Instead of the story trying to squeeze in the recognizable characters from Disney films, it uses either original characters or characters from the ‘60s film or Broadway. For instance, the Madame and her husband, a bouncer named Dick, and a client name LaFrac.  None of these names are from the Disney version.  Then there’s characters like Gaston who are from the Disney version aren’t given preferential treatment; in fact, Gaston doesn’t have much of a role.  He’s given a more cursory mention rather than a focus.  So, the lack of notable characters from the Disney version makes the story very interesting and changes the environment a bit.

Now, it would be so simple to provide Belle a copout motive to pursue a profession as a harlot; like her being left at the brothel to pay off Maurice’s debt.  Instead, her father is being treated for a rare illness and the treatments are costly.  So, to pay the bills and make sure her father is well attended, Belle willingly pursues the lucrative career of courtesan.   The story does a good job in making sure that the Readers understand that Belle’s profession is of her choosing and that no one forces it upon her except circumstance.  In fact, the story even acknowledges that while Belle would have preferred making a living through non-sexual means, she wouldn’t make nearly as much money.

I enjoyed this motivation because it gives Belle more character; she is actively choosing how she will handle difficulties in her life.  There is nothing forced upon her and she is very much in control of her actions within the circumstances.  I find so many stories take the control out of the character’s hands and puts it into the hands of a character Readers – and the character – are meant to blame.  It’s refreshing to find such a change.

Belle’s characterization in this story is excellent.  She is not meant to be a character who is to be pitied because of the circumstances that have led her to the bordello.  Instead, she is a woman of pose and class; she knows her profession and does her best to learn how each of her clients’ ticks.  There’s the attention to her clothes, her makeup, and how she preps for clients.  As a Reader it becomes apparent that Belle has the profession down to a science as with the mention of a client’s name she adjusts her dress to best suit that client’s preferences.  Plus, there’s the relationship between Belle and the other bordello occupants; each one is different but it’s very apparent that the men working there are protective (albeit obsessively) of her while the other women see her as a rival.

Overall, the story is pretty good but I won’t ever go back to it.  There are elements of the story that make me uncomfortable.  For instance, the sex between Belle and Beast.  I’m not a fan of it mostly because it resembles bestiality to me and bestiality is an area that I am uncomfortable exploring (even in literature).  So, the scene doesn’t make the story bad and it’s written in a non-raunchy way – I’ve read filthier and far more carnal sex scenes before – but the image of Belle and Beast fucking makes me uneasy.  Again, this does not make the story bad and it’s just a personal aversion.

The other thing that makes me a bit concerned is that Belle prefers Adam as a Beast rather than as a human.  I get the idea of the fact that she fell in love with the Beast and having Adam as human makes it hard to reconcile that they’re the same person, but it also suggests that it’s going to be a constant uphill battle in their romance.  I mean how can Adam compete with a form he can no longer take?  It’s a personal grievance though.  It by no means detracts from the story.  It just leaves me a little uneasy about the future of their relationship.

Would I recommend the story?  Yeah.  It’s a nice, refreshing, adult retelling of a beloved, classic fairy tale.  It’s a quick read with enough meat to truly engage the Reader without making it a skeleton of a story.  If Readers are looking for a tale with more drama and a major showdown between Beast and Gaston, then look elsewhere.  This is a story that brings an adult setting while holding onto the brevity of movie story-telling (time is suggested to have passed and more summaries than showing progression).

Stars: 8/10

Timing Review

Title:  Timing                                                     Author:  Kiryki

Source: Labyrinth                                                Character(s):  Sarah & Jareth

Rating:  T                                                            Genre(s): Romance

Chapter(s):  1                                                         Status: Complete

Author’s Synopsis:  Sarah never expected her ex’s flippant Words to bring Jareth back into her life, but being friends (let alone friends with benefits!) was something neither of them could have anticipated. Between both of their busy lives, can they find time to make a relationship work, or is it all about timing?

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12105872/1/Timing

 

Welcome Readers, it’s the beginning of the week and I just got back from vacation so I went looking for a short story to read and review.  I decided I wanted to see what the Labyrinth community had to offer and I found this pitiable story.  Ladies and gentlemen, I am your reviewing host, the Fan Fic Reviewer; here to review the good, the bad, and those that should never exist in fan fiction.

This story chronologies the first 6 times Sarah and Jareth have sex starting when Sarah’s boyfriend wishes that the Goblin King would take her away.  It kind of touches on their “friendship” and their “busy lives” but it doesn’t contribute much to the conflict – “can they find time to make a relationship work.”  So, the author’s synopsis makes the story seem a bit more complex, but the story comes up short.

The plot is typical but interesting; Sarah and Jareth reuniting because of her ex-boyfriend’s words and striking up a friends with benefits relationship.  It’s the type of story that I normally eat up but what makes me sour on this one is how it’s written.  It’s written as exposition with thoughts interjected now and then.  So, the Reader gets the general events of the story but not the emotional connection between the characters.  For instance, the “romance” between Sarah and Jareth is 1 dimensional since the Readers are treated to just a summary of the characters’ interactions, not the dialogue or the emotions behind characters’ actions.

Speaking of the events in the story, why is Sarah okay with Jareth trying to befriend her?  The story claims that it’s pent up sexual frustration but that would explain the sex, not the friendship.  Sexual frustration doesn’t make someone want to comfort and support another person.  This isn’t the only time this happens, Sarah is apparently a stage actor and she puts on a show that Jareth attends – how does Jareth know about the performance?  Does Sarah invite him or mention her work at some point?  Did she want him there?  These sorts of details are lost in the story because of its exposition nature.

The romance suffers a lot because of the writing style.  I get the feeling that by the end of the story, Sarah and Jareth are meant to be in a relationship rather than “friends with benefits” but I have no idea.  See, I didn’t get the impression that they were “friends” to begin with, I got the impression they were simply fuck buddies.  The normal buildup of two people becoming friends or friends with benefits to lovers normally involves things like exchanging personal information and dating; Jareth does take Sarah out on a date but they don’t seem to exchange anything personal things like where they want the relationship to go, their past, or anything else!  It just isn’t there, it’s implied to take place but it’s not actually mentioned.

Jareth suffers a lot in this story.  I get that as fans sometimes fan fiction will over romanticize characters making any character flaws or horrible actions seem “okay” or out of character.  In this story, Jareth’s actions from the movie are never addressed and he’s made out to be a decent guy; supporting Sarah’s occupation and initiating romance.  I’m not saying that things traits aren’t great, but how they come about is very unlike Jareth.

Jareth is the fucking Goblin King!  Yet he doesn’t seem to hold any of that cockiness and patronization that he had during the movie.  He’s not nearly as vindictive as I’ve come to expect, instead he seems very mellow.  The only time he seems affected is when he expresses his melancholy in how everything aboveground had changed in ways that make the underground suffer.  That is the only time when Jareth acts like the Goblin King, any other time he’s just a guy trying to woo his fuck buddy.  It’s super disappointing.

So…the synopsis implies that there’s a point in the story when Jareth and Sarah try to find a balance between their busy lives and each other, but that doesn’t come up until the end and the story makes it out to be a bigger problem than it is.  Sarah group wants her to travel and perform with them, and she’s unsure of how to make it work with still trying to see Jareth and whether if Jareth would let her travel and act, or if he’d require her to stay in the Underground as Queen.  In the end, it’s not a problem at all and any worry is moot.  This point in the story should have been explored and examined more – Jareth should’ve appeared to Sarah at inconvenient moments and Sarah should’ve tried getting nooky when Jareth is busy with his kingdom.  Things like that would’ve helped to show that they were trying to find a balance.  Anything would’ve been better than the route that was taken.

I’ve touched on a lot things with this story and in the end it’s just written poorly.  For what the synopsis promises, the story doesn’t deliver.  Some of the elements can be made out but it falls short of what the synopsis sets as expectation.  The exposition writing style does far more harm than good by limiting how invested Readers can get into the characters and the romance.  There is too much OOC-ness from Jareth that he’s barely a shadow of the Goblin King from the movie.  The romance is inconsequential despite being the story’s focal point.  All in all, this was the wrong writing style for this story.

My final recommendation is to not bother reading the story.  Even the most ardent Labyrinth fans will not find joy in reading this story.  This is not to say that the story will insight rage, it just adds nothing of value to the fandom.  I cannot think of a reason to tell others to waste 20 minutes of their time by reading this story.

 

Stars: 2/10