Title: Love Found in Radio Author: BrokenBlackCat
Source: Clover/Heart no Kuni no Alice Character(s): Alice L., Elliot M., Ace
Rating: T Genre(s): Humor / Romance
Chapter(s): 1 Status: Complete
Author’s Synopsis: Alice works in a radio station and there, she comes across a male asking for help in love. She tries to help him but somehow, along the way, she feels like she knows the guy. What’s she going to do now?
Welcome Readers, it’s Friday so it’s time for another fan fic review. I kind of feel bad for reviewing this story because the author is obviously writing in their second (or third or fourth) language, and a native speaker never reviewed the story before it was posted. Still, as I’ve said before, nothing is off limits for me to read and review, so I will review the story as it is regardless if the author is writing in his/hers second language. I’m done postponing, let’s get this show on the road. I am the Fan Fic Reviewer; here to review the good, the bad, and those that should never exist in fan fiction. Let’s dive in!
The synopsis is accurate. College student Alice works part time at a radio station and she gets a caller named “Elli” who is looking for advice on how to take his relationship with a girl friend to the next level. The advice Alice gives backfires on “Elli” so he keeps calling in for more advice until one day she realizes that “Elli” has been her friend Elliot March the entire time.
See, when I first read the synopsis I was thinking something along the lines of the movie “Cats & Dogs;” I figured Alice was going to give this caller advice, he’d seek her out to thank her and they would start to fall in love. That’s not this story. This story is…it’s bare bones. I’ll address the different weaknesses that make this story paper thin.
First off, the characters. I know that in the video games and mangas Alice tends to be a bland character because she’s meant to represent the every girl; girls who play the games are meant to imagine that they are Alice and get to project their personalities and fantasies onto her. However, when it comes to fan fiction, Alice should have some sort of characterization, some personality. The only thing Alice had going for her in this story is that she’s oblivious.
Elliot and Ace have zero personality too. The only things known about Elliot and Ace are that they are both Alice’s friends and they are in love (?) with her. I put in the question mark because while the dialogue between Elliot and Ace suggest that both men have romantic interests in Alice, the only one putting any effort to woo her is Elliot. I’m trying to find more things to help build my case, but the story doesn’t offer much. There is minimal interaction between Alice and the boys. At one point they meet up before class and exchange pleasantries, but that’s about it. They don’t seem to hang out together and neither Elliot nor Ace really try to make a move on Alice when they are together. It’s all feels superficial.
Next up, the storytelling is a skeleton. The story knows how it wants to end and that it wants the interaction between Elliot and Alice to be through radio, but beyond that the story seems lost. Everything comes back around to the radio show and Alice giving romance advice to Elliot, but when anything happens outside the radio then the story flounders. It’s a fine start but it really should have been fleshed out; include interactions between Elliot and Alice, have Elliot mention that he heard Alice on the radio, have Ace make some moves on Alice to urge Elliot on, and have these characters be college students.
Remember, these characters are meant to be college students in this story but they don’t seem to act like students. The college aspect of these characters feels like a coop-out, like the story just felt like it had to make these characters some sort of students without making them live out the student life. If the story had used that college status to make the characters interact and act out the romantic advice that Alice provides, then it would have helped to create the romance and give the characters some depth.
Finally, the grammar is horrible. I know that this story is not written in the author’s native language but poor grammar and sentence structure is horribly distracting. This story should have been reviewed by a native English speaker before being posted to help clean up the grammar. Having someone vet the grammar wouldn’t have made the story better per say, but it would have made it easier to read. I almost gave up on the story because I couldn’t stand the horrible grammar.
I can say that I do not recommend this story to anyone. No matter how much of an Alice in the Country of – fan a Reader is, this story is not worth the time. There are better stories out there to read. I will, however, encourage if anyone is a writer to write a better version of this story. Beyond that, don’t bother with this story.